Recognition of meaninglessness arouses intense anxiety in me. If I truly were able to break away from my Oneness with God and essentially become my own god, I would expect retaliation and I would be very fearful. My mind's experience in this apparent world of bodies and egos, is an experience of nothing, as I was told several lessons ago. My mind is blank. It is possible to be apart from God only in fantasy, and fantasy is nothing.
I am learning that all the world I thought was Real, is not real at all. I have nothing to fear. I try to fill the world with attributes that it does not have, and crowd it with images that do not exist. The only thing that benefits from holding onto illusions is the part of me which believes it is possible to be separate from God ("ego"). Illusions keep the idea of separation foremost in my mind, blocking Heaven from my Vision.
Three or four times today, for a minute or so, first repeat the idea with eyes closed, then look around slowly and say, "I am fearful because I think I have overcome God Himself and created a world apart from Him, but everything I seem to see is an illusion."
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