When I attack, mentally, emotionally and/or physically, it is with intent to hurt. No exceptions. When I think I attack in self-defense against an emotional or physical assault, I essentially believe that being cruel is protecting myself. I protect myself with cruelty. It seems that to hurt another brings me freedom from "them" hurting "me."
Fear is born and fed with blood. It grows, swells and rages In the vicious cycle of attack/defense. In the world of dreams fear is protected, not escaped. Today's lesson will save me from more delay and needless misery than I can imagine. And here is Truth: I have made it all up. I have projected my fears and insecurities onto a "physical" world. Not only do I feel awkward, stupid, worthless, even murderous inside, but I have projected these out onto a "world" where the actors in my play perform the parts I have assigned to them. My "defense" against insanity only reinforces its "reality." When I lay down my defenses, only then will I perceive Truth.
God is Love. His Son is Love. Yet in creating a world "apart from" God I have given birth to the "enemy" of Love.....an opposite to Heaven. Only in fantasy is this possible yet, I call it "reality." In the world of madness, Love is my enemy and cruelty is my god. Harsh punishment is given relentlessly to those who ask if the world is reasonable or sane. It is only my enemies who are "unreasonable" and "insane," while I am always "merciful" and "just."
I have created a world of madness, populated it with "enemies," written the script for attack and now defend myself from all of it. There is nowhere I can escape insanity. For if I cannot find it in my own mind, it is surely "out there" in the "world." More fear is not the answer to my escape from a world of fear. In seemingly creating a world apart from God, my biggest fear is of God Himself. For if it were possible to break away from God and create my own world ~ in essence, usurp God ~ then I would fear Him and believe that He would retaliate. God is now the enemy....at least in the insane part of my mind. But I am no longer wholly insane.
My world of madness is one of chaos and confusion; a constant search for happiness and peace. Cruelty seems to be a part of "love." And my idea of God now includes vengeance and wrath; He is terrible, cruel and jealous.
Today, madness comes to an end. The choice I make today is certain. I look one last time upon the world of insanity and call it my "reality" no longer. I have reached this place before, but I turned away, hoping dreams would yet offer "happiness." This time I leave it behind. God's Love merely asks that I lay down all defenses as mere foolishness and watch the madness crumble into dust.
I am the Son of God. I am like my Father. No cruelty abides in my Father and none in me. God's Peace is mine. I can bless the world of madness because I realize that it is only a dream. I give thanks to my Father, who holds me Safe with Him in Happiness, Joy, Peace, and Love, and lay aside foolish dreams. Today I replace rambling thoughts of madness with Thoughts of Truth in the lessons of ACIM.
"There is no cruelty in God and none in me."
No comments:
Post a Comment