This world I seem to live in is not home to me. Somewhere in my mind I know this is True. A memory of Heaven keeps haunting me, as if it were calling me to return. I feel I do not belong in the world, though I am not sure where I belong. I am not entirely certain I am an exile here, but there is that persistent feeling. Sometimes this thought is only a tiny throb and other times I forget completely, but this thought will surely return again.
At times, I may deny this deep sadness, or fill my time with constant activity and change, so I can forget a little while. I may think, "God is dead," "there is no God," or "God is there, but off in the clouds, allowing me to suffer, wanting me to suffer."
For me who walks this world: I am not at Home here. Can I honestly say these words do not speak to me?
I am searching.....for what I do not know. I look in darkness for what I cannot find and never know for certain what it is I am looking for. I make a thousand homes, yet none of these content my restless mind because I do not understand that I build in vain. The Home I am looking for has not been made by me and there is no substitute for my True Home.
Am I searching for my childhood home? Perhaps that would comfort me. Yet my childhood and my childhood home in the dream-world are a memory so distorted that I merely grasp a picture of a past that never happened.
Yet, there is a Child in me who seeks his Father's House and knows he does not belong in this world. This Childhood is Eternal, with an Innocence that will last Forever. It is this Child who knows His Father and the Father knows Him as His Own Son.
This Child wants to go home so badly, I hear his tiny voice cry out to me to let Him rest a while; just a few moments of respite, just a instant to breathe again the Holy Air that fills his Father's House. He will come back to me, but give Him a little time to be Himself at Home, resting in Silence, Peace and Love.
The Child is ME. The Child is my Self, the Christ, the Son ~ all who inhabit this world of "separate bodies;" who are not separate bodies at all, but One Spirit.
This Child needs my protection. He is far from Home. He is so little that He seems easily ignored. His tiny voice and His call for help almost unheard amid the grating, harsh, rasping noises of the world. Yet the Child knows that in me abides His sure protection. I will not fail Him.
This Child is My Innocence, my Defenselessness and my Strength. He whispers of His Home unceasingly to me. He lives as an outcast in a world of alien thought. He will patiently wait until I hear His gentle, small voice calling me Home.
When I am still for an instant, when the desires and thoughts of the world fade, when valueless ideas no longer have value in my restless mind, then I will hear the Child's voice. He wants to take me Home with Him, just for an instant now in Perfect Stillness, Silence and Peace; an Experience beyond all words, untouched by fear and doubt, yet with Sublime Certainty that I am Home.
Rest with Him frequently today. He comes to me Innocent and Defenseless. Go Home with Him from time to time today.
Lay aside my little sword, shield and spear: the weapons I raised against a nonexistent enemy. Let illusions be my gods no more.
I have not lost my Innocence nor my Home
The Holy Child remains with me. His Home is mine. Today He gives me His Defenselessness and Innocence, and I accept it in exchange for all the toys of battle which I have made. The Way is open and the journey has an end in sight at last. Be still an instant and go Home with Him today and be at Peace awhile.
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